reminders of time

I got up late today,merely 20 minutes to get ready before the bus had to come.Any how I did it and came back to office with the same mood of desuetude.The  bus  time  I consider to have special 13 minutes of reverie where thoughts are quite gross and raw. I was thinking what if I would end up as nothing, with no achieved goals and no cherished supermoment. This is something that is not impossible and may happen to me. I may get the stroke of vacuum in my life. Life accomodates copious stories with some lessons, some grudges and some memories and every story seems quite different potending that at every stage of our lives we change and sometimes the change is big. Seeing others being so normal, unperturbed, quiet and progressive towards future I feel little bit like an outcaste having so many puzzles and a repulsion towards simplicities.

I was thinking of the faces whom I admire and adore, many from my families, some among my friends and few among new aquaintances. They all seemed simple and happy in my vision inviting me to join the pool of glee with them by stop thinking and listening to the mind chattering. The sinecure leaves me no choice but to give lift to all my hobbies and intrests but with them  it is like a sympathetic attention without any justice. Everytime being a fatalist doesnt help to mainatin the patience when results and outcomes seem a consolence and fallacy.It dwindles and robs the confidence away for whatever strategy a person has to fight against theself created world of querries.
Sometimes life offers unpredictable happiness to gather and sweep inside the bag of strong and powerful memories which become the healer at times we are torn out of the fatigue offered by the same life. This may be a moment of friendship, a moment of love, a moment of laughter, a moment of applaud, a moment of care and a moment of affection.Moment  passes and moments have passed,few and many which often stretch smiles along my lips in the times of spare. Nothing stays even when we wish hard to it.Time is sublime and hence we are under its doctrainaire.Reminders of time leave behind a trail of blurred vision like the only  colourful stroke on the gray canvas.May the characters from past come alive and the times re appear and may  I revive.

water color blots...

tried perspective

egg tempera for the first time

a dilettante work

face of Gods

A face of God asking about the most obvious things

A face of an angel seeing familiar faces around

A face of a life newly born to the world where lies peace,love and harmony.

Autobiography of an introvert.......

It was like the deadly season of autumn when trees decimate,air becomes dry and veins frail due to the  numbness in air hoovering the sighs inside and chasing out all the memories that were safe inside in the cache of yore.

An  arcane silence creeped into my nerves making them rigid and drab without any sensation of thoughts, magical spells of whispers and words and symphony of enumerous events going on all arround me.I seemed dispirited and dilapidated curling all my limbes inside the curve of my belly and stretch them out in a desire to squirt the blood out of my body but they remained inside.I couldn't shout and scream and invited comfort to rest in my secluded world where I appeared invisible to the outer world like a scent that disseminates but after some time vanishes leaving behind a faint impression of a something that was just smelled appeasing the nostrils.

Whatever I feel and contain inside may be increasing the weight of my chest which can never be bogged down,as I felt at one point of time when I started growing and keeping things to me.I remember I talked a lot long back like in one of the eons,may be when I was enjoying the lures of childhood:where life was full of beginnings and no ends,where everything we saw was for real and forever ,where  all the sights and scenes were full of secrets and source of desire and anxiety,where we had our self created cornucopia of wisdom which we shared with the peer and appended a lot in it,where big people seemed a bit strange and pretentious,where crying was so easy and laughing like a routine.I am big now.I am no more a child.I am changing,turning into a dweep who is scared of people staring at my transformation with a weird remark everytime.I want more darkness to not have sight of even my own body.I do not want to talk,I want a retreat looking at everyone looking at me,listening to everyone trying to listen to me and swirling my instinct to pull out any thought remaining.

new ones

fantasies of a child

the  first trial...

titillating and sensuous

elvis presley:the singer...

love you...

The sheer excitment of going home after long back is a heavenly feeling.Nostalgically I used to pamper my self by seeing home videos and photographs but all those people who are not near to me appear as ball of ice which remains in the palm just for a moment to give cold rushing throughout the body and then melts away leaving its no trace.The visions of the events celebrated together and moments lived along swim in the front of eyes and get smoky as the day passes.The sounds and the voices also dim.To fill in the effete energy level it becomes necessary to have an odyssey into a divine atmosphere which we call as homely.People who are not just people but the impressions of God get extremely elated and their faces glow seeing their dear ones whom they love and leave.We share all our emptyness and melancholy,all our joys and gaeity,all our yore and the stories but still time falls short to finish our sharings.The gossips,relaxation,soft cotton saree of mother dipped in the fragrance of all motherhood,father's feign of worry and care,children's chuckling and emotional cries,our old self shadowing mementos: all make me blessed and one of the most happiest persons.Family,a word that weighs a lot, increasing the weight of emotional floc inside that bloats when we are away from them and vanishes as soon as we rush to them.These times I wish time to be at hold and walk a bit slower to let me in the real heaven little more time.I can offer a bargain or an exchange with time for the true happiness,whatever it is ,for all my dear ones ......................

शब्द

मन के शब्द                                                                          एक सवाल ही तो पूछा था
                                                                                                          उसने ,

और होठों के बोलों में                                                            आसान था जिसका जवाब I


अंतर होता है  I                                                                         सोचने की क्या जरुरत थी ?


काफी अंतर   ,                                                                    मेरे भी मन को मिला जाता


जिससे                                                                                  एक साथी ,


कभी-कभी शब्द                                                 जो मेरे शब्दों को ऐसे मरने के लिए नहीं छोड़ेगा I

                                                                                         मेरे शब्द भी बोलेंगे इक दिन I

रूठ से जाते हैं   I                                                                                                                
                                                                                         जिस दिन विद्रोह होगा
और हम कहते हैं                                                         अन्दर से आएगी एक आवाज़   


इस दफे ,                                                                     उन्हीं विद्रोही शब्दों में सनी हुई   


हमारा मन                                                          और तब मिलेगी उन्हें आजादी
चुप सा हो गया है   I                                       भावनायों और यादों  के चीथरों से ..........


अन्दर की आवाज़


दब सी गयी है I


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फिर


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